Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Slowly Life Becomes What I Dreamed

I'm amazed that my life has taken on what I dreamed about a year ago. I feel free, happy and open to love/people in all forms. I haven't visited my uncle's grave yet and find myself quite terrified of it. The anniversary of his death was last week and again I found myself  in a hole of unbearable grief and anger.The question of why? seems to follow me everywhere. When the only person who understands you is gone life can seem quite unstable.

But it broke me open and I've become the person I was too afraid to be before. Sitting with him at his bedside we talked for hours as the sun came down he told me all his regrets. Most of them were things I WAS DOING in my own life. He always dreamed of going to Africa and putting poachers in jail. He regretted not loving enough in his own words his insecurities wouldn't allow it. At the time my insecurities were so intense and I felt the same way. But after he passed everything made sense my fear dissipated and turned to love.

Life is so short and honestly I've found the things that are huge risks do have the best returns. Say "I love you" as much as possible.

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